I’m getting my holiday blues. This happens around this time of year each and every year, it’s just I’ve never much cared for this season. Years ago, before I even moved from the East Coast I was already distancing myself from my family. A couple of years ago the final ties were broken. I don’t write them, or call and they for their part stopped sending birthday cards and answering the phone.
This is not a bad thing. I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my family and ultimately it’s for the best, but even as I spent years gradually weening myself away from having one, I still made it a point to go over for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. Even when the holidays were nothing but horrible days.
So now, this time of the year just makes me sad and I feel the way I feel when I think of a beloved family member that’s passed away. Essentially while we’re all still alive, I’m dead to my family and my family is no longer of consequence to me. It’s hard being a living ghost girl to a family that takes pride in their ability to ignore people.
Most of the year I don’t even think about them, but for six weeks at the end of the year, from right before Thanksgiving to right before New Year’s Day, I do because those holidays were the last ones I cut away from. And of course I don’t want to be that jerk on Live Journal that does nothing but talk about how much I hate Christmas and bring down the joy factor.
I’m a therapist’s wet dream.
